All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37
I got a beautiful yellow magnolia tree for Mother’s Day one year. I couldn’t wait to have a tree that my children could stand in front of for pictures. It has been growing and doing wonderful until this year. Now, it looks pathetic with hardly any leaves! There were all kinds of reasons that we were thinking caused it to not be doing so well, but I think we found out the real reason. My son caught some deer in the act of eating the leaves from my tree! They were even breaking branches off! I admit I don’t know much about trees, but I thought magnolias were supposed to be deer resistant. Of course that wouldn’t apply to my deer and my trees. We have an unusual group here who think hot sauce is a pretty good condiment. Don’t ask how I know that.
How did such a beautiful, lush tree get to be in such a pathetic state? Couldn’t the same be said of us? How do we go from energetic, optimistic people to being exhausted, resentful and looking pretty withered? Could it be that we are taking on what we shouldn’t be? That tree was never made to be the food for those deer. We aren’t made to be everything for everybody, but how do we say no?
My son came to his dad and me yesterday looking for guidance. He told us that he has trouble telling people no (when it isn’t a situation that would harm him) because he doesn’t want to disappoint them, have to argue with them for no to be accepted, lose an opportunity, or even have someone get mad at him. Ahh…how to answer that question when this is a struggle adults still deal with? I hate to tell him, that even though the situation might not hurt him physically, if we only say yes to activities and projects, it will eventually do damage to him through a little thing we call burnout.
The first thing I realized is how the word no makes you cringe just hearing it. We were recently learning in grammar that words such as no, never, none, etc. are considered negative words. No is used when correcting, it’s said by a child when they aren’t cooperating, and it’s used when someone is rejecting you or turning you down. If we don’t like to hear the word no, it is no wonder we have trouble telling someone else no. We don’t want them thinking we are rejecting them, we are simply turning down a situation.
All too often we are dealing with burnout because of overcommitment. We start looking like my pathetic tree in the backyard! God didn’t make us to be Super Christians who are everything for everybody. He has specific things in mind for us, but we tend to take on more and more until we are stretched so thin that we can’t fully commit to anything, including our own family. We can’t give anything our best when this starts to happen. What God does have for us to do, we are unable to do with a cheerful heart because we are so overwhelmed. That certainly doesn’t please God.
We need to remember that it’s ok to say no without a long list of excuses and lots of apologies. Even if you are saying no to great causes, such as one more church activity, you shouldn’t feel guilty if God is leading you to step back.
I read that God oftentimes doesn’t want our family responsibilities to be sacrificed for our volunteer responsibilities. We need to choose our activities wisely so we don’t become overcommitted and our families suffer. Those things we do with our family are the first to go when we have more to do than we have time for. We schedule the activities we have to do on the family calendar, but are we scheduling the most important ones? They are the ones that nurture our marriages and our relationships with our children. If we do, we just might see that we are being completely truthful when saying, “I’m not going to be able to take that on because my calendar is too full.”
Today, be honest and direct when you need to say no. Also, accept no gracefully without taking it personally and getting hurt. Realize the person probably isn’t rejecting you, they are saying yes to God’s will in their life.
On this Labor Day, determine to labor wisely instead of more. Fill your calendar with God approved activities so you don’t feel like my poor, pathetic tree!
