“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. Matthew 7:24-25
It’s been over twenty years now since my hubby and I were planning our wedding. During that long engagement phase, some counseling was required. I recently had someone ask if I was an overachiever when I was younger. Maybe this was an example! We respected one another’s churches, so that meant we wanted to include both our pastors in the wedding ceremony. That required going through two different counseling preps. Best thing ever!
I’m a strong believer that it’s best to begin how you want to continue. This was one of the strongest examples of that thought process working. Since we came from two different denominations, each had their own way of preparing a couple for marriage. We were excited to set aside time to learn the best ways of handling a variety of situations and talk about expectations before we were married. The wedding was exciting, but we knew it was vital to have our main focus on our relationship and the marriage rather than the wedding itself.
Positive, enlightening, and fun would be my description of the time spent preparing before our vows. I loved the idea of getting a good foundation from the beginning and building from there. Both pastors’ requirements came with huge benefits. It was where we learned to grow together.
The first way was through counseling with my pastor where there was a list of books that she wanted us to read and discuss. This brought us even closer together and we’ve returned to this way of growth several times throughout our marriage. She guided us into good communication.
The second way was through a course called Pre-Cana. It was a delightful two evenings helping us look at potential problems that could emerge after marriage if not discussed and shared before the wedding. I’ll never forget the couple who spoke to the group during the last session. They were like us and came from two different denominations. It was clear the similarities beat out all differences…Jesus Christ. This guided us into a way of being able to respect each other when we thought differently because ultimately our vows that we were about to take would beat out our changing emotions and allowed for Jesus to be our center.
I recently read a conversation in a book from Bree Livingston where I loved the advice a woman was giving her brother on relationships. She was telling him how he would hurt the woman he loved. He seemed just thrilled for her vote of confidence, but she continued by saying, “And she’s going to hurt you. It’s life. And it isn’t about how much you hurt each other. It’s about what you do when you realize you’ve hurt each other. Do you walk away, or do you make it right? It’s loving and laughing and fighting and being strong enough to bend when you need to. It’s compromise and forgiveness and grace.” She continued by saying, “It’s a partnership all the way to your soul.”
That’s what we were learning in those classes…a partnership. A partnership that doesn’t becoming easier or even less work after the wedding. It’s something that needs continuous work all throughout life. When we don’t set aside the times to work through issues and grow together, we start to just drift through our days, and instead of even a stagnant marriage, we start to see deterioration. This is dangerous. What we do see if we set aside time, like those classes taught us, is a strength that allows us to accept changes gracefully. It helps us remember what’s really important.
Why have I been thinking on this lately? Changes. It brought me right back to those two classes. First, I was reminded to set aside time to stay connected with my hubby during craziness, adventure, and change. Second, for each change (just like the difference in the denominations), there’s a bigger constant. Third, there’s something extremely comforting in knowing that Someone out there is in the unknown periods with us but is in the know. Paths are being made when we don’t have the directions yet, hope is being renewed when we don’t have eyes on the end result, and humor is being thrown into the mix when we start to take things too seriously.
Our house was listed for sale today. A lot of change is happening. My hubby’s work has changed, and our location is going to change. The inner workings, our foundation, has not. We don’t know when our house will become someone else’s. We don’t know when we’re moving. We don’t know which house will become ours; however, where we are, our home is. We’re together, we’re communicating, and Jesus is still the center. It’s time for our adventure.
I challenge you to step out into the unknown, being sure in your knowledge that your foundation is on the Rock. Love, laugh, fight, and be strong enough to bend when you need to. Compromise, forgive, and show grace while knowing life isn’t about standing still, it’s being ready to step into new paths together.
