It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling. Proverbs 20:3
My boys are still too young to drive, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t started giving them pointers as we are heading down the road. I will admit that my “pointers” use to start as “if I ever catch you (blank), then I’ll take your keys faster than you can blink. Driving is a privilege…” and so it would go. This would always take place after seeing someone doing something foolish. Now it’s turned into explaining some of the rules of the road.
It got me thinking of highway driving. There can be more than one lane going in the same direction, but completely separate. It’s important to pay attention in order to not cross over into the next lane. That is pretty straight forward. But what about merging? Oh, that could give me a panic attack even thinking about teaching a teenager to merge! It can be a time of stress even for the more experienced drivers when traffic is zipping along at high speeds, there is one car after another, and you are trying to find your way in. Is your heart pumping just a bit more remembering somewhere you’ve been?
It seems pretty clear how much harder it is to merge than stay in one lane. Isn’t marriage pretty much the same? All kinds of strife and arguments can start when two people don’t fully merge into one lane in a marriage. Staying in two different lanes does not make a healthy marriage, even if you are going in the same direction. When there are differences between people, one will too often think the other is wrong. Does one really have to be wrong? Could they just be different?
Oh the differences between the hubby and myself! I’m a very systematical person; I sometimes see things in black and white, I like things in order, and I color in the lines. My husband is the opposite; he sees lots of grey, doesn’t know what the purpose of order is, and…well…what lines? I use logic, while he uses creativity. I see details, while he is looking towards the end result. He thinks I’m nutty that I have to finish one book before starting another. I can’t comprehend how anyone could watch movies out of sequence, but he asks, “Why not?” It can be hard to see each other’s point of view. Our strengths and weaknesses are different, but that doesn’t mean that either one of us is wrong. We complement each other!
It’s more work to merge into one lane, but if you want a successful marriage, it’s necessary. Don’t be just heading in the same direction, merge your lives…and keep them merged! Instead of allowing differences to create strife and push you into a different lane, respect how those things make your spouse who they are. My guess is, you agree on the big things or you wouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. Remember how you complement each other!
Here are some driving tips that will help you stay merged with your spouse:
- Drive like you own the car, not the road! –Take responsibility for your part as a couple (your actions), you don’t control the marriage (or your spouse).
- Remember the rules of the road. –Remember your vows; they are your rules.
- Seeing and dealing with problems ahead of time will help you stay alive. –This goes for your marriage too.
- Get plenty of sleep, especially before making a big journey and rest to keep alert. –Marriage is a big journey; don’t try to do it without refueling!
- When you are tuned into the radio (or phone) and not the road, your distraction could get you off course or cause an accident. –When you are not tuned into your spouse, your marriage could get off course.
- Be aware of aggressive drivers. Give them some space. –Enough said.
- Be seen; remember your lights. –Be seen; be present in your marriage. It’s more important than work, friends, or sports.
- Taking drugs or drinking alcohol is a big NO! –It could be the same in your marriage.
- Don’t panic if your vehicle breaks down. –Don’t panic when problems arise, but do address them. You wouldn’t just leave the vehicle on the side of the road and go about your business as though nothing happened.
If you have a spouse, take time to appreciate the differences that might have caused strife in the past. Find something to say that defuses the tense moment and makes you laugh. I think mine will be…what lines?
